Sand when it’s struck by lightning
NO ITS FUCKING NOT HOW MNYFUCKING TIMES DO I HAVETO FUCKING SAY THIS GODDAM RANT THAT IS A FUCKING STICK STUCK IN THE GODDAM SAND WITH A MOTHER FUCKING DRIP AND CASTLE MADE OVER IT HOLY TITS YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN LIGHING HITS SAND
MOTHERFUCKING GLASS HAPPENSA ND ITS GRETA BUT THIS SHIT IS AN INSULT TO THE LIGHTNING YOU THINK IT MAKES THIS SCULTURE SHIT? NO TS HOT WHITE FURY MELTS THE GODDAM SAND TOGETHERTO MAKE SGLASS
Where does your tongue stay when you’re not speaking? If you’re an English-speaker, it’s behind the top front teeth. If you’re a Russian-speaker, it’s on the bottom of your mouth, lying flat.
I JUST FREAKING CONSCIOUSLY CHECKED AND TRIED TO MAKE IT LAY FLAT BUT NO, IT’S SERIOUSLY AT THE TOP OF MY MOUTH. I DON’T LIKE THIS
This bitch put me in an ugly-ass champagne floor gown that looks terrible with my skin tone and she is wearing a cardigan to my birthday party. I refuse to be disrespected by this.
ok but what that the fuck is a hand hug
nearly every family on disney channel
- goofy dumb parent(s)
- naive older brother who is nice but a total idiot and is often the butt of the joke
- sister who is the main character and thought of as the only sane member of the character and also has very good grades but may be a bit uptight
- younger sibling who is an evil mastermind and always has some sort of scheme to profit off something
Or, y’know, that thing called “Passover.”
Or the whole thing with Noah’s Ark where he killed off everything in the world except Noah and his family, and two of every animal. Y’know, no big deal. Just millions of people.
90% of the Old Testament is about God killing people in temper tantrums
Are we not going to mention Jesus?
Oh my god.
The rape joke is that you were eight.
The rape joke is that at the time,
you didn’t know people had sex to express love.
The rape joke is that the only other person
who’d seen you naked was your mom.
The rape joke is that he called you ‘beautiful’ first.
The rape joke is that he held your hands together
and told you to ‘try harder’ when you struggled.
The rape joke is that you believed him
when he told you were overreacting.
The rape joke is that your grandma
called him a nice boy and asked him to stay for dinner.
The rape joke is that he winked at you
when you apologized to your parents for not coming
downstairs the first time you were called.
The rape joke is that his friends
high-fived him for “getting some.”
The rape joke is that you still don’t feel like
you’ve regrown the pieces he stole.
The rape joke is that he was conceived when his
dad slapped himself into his snoring mother.
The rape joke is that her friends told her
she was lucky someone wanted her.
The rape joke is that each year in the United States,
32,000 other women’s bellies
ripen with life against their will.
The rape joke is that he never learned
to touch without scarring.
The rape joke is that your classmate thinks
‘have you seen what asses look like in yoga pants?’
is an argument.
The rape joke is your new boyfriend kissing
you and telling you he ‘raped’ his math test.
The rape joke is that ‘Why are girls so scared of rape? Y’all should feel pride that a guy risked his life in jail just to fuck you’
is a popular Tweet right now.
The rape joke is that you wake up to
the memory of him laughing,
“now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
The rape joke is that it’s been twelve years and
you still quiver when someone touches you.
The rape joke is that he hasn’t stopped laughing.
The rape joke is that you forgot how to.